On this episode of Your Life Simplified, hosts Whitney Reagan, wealth advisor, and Daniel Sharkey, senior wealth advisor, continue their discussion on making financial meetings with your family successful. They’ll share tips for making family meetings successful, including getting everyone’s buy-in, making it a singular event, being intentional in your agenda, speaking to different generations and incorporating family history.

Transcript

Dan Sharkey: A family meeting does not have to be scary. And today, we’re going to talk about what steps you can take to make sure that you have a successful outcome.

Welcome to Your Life Simplified. My name is Dan Sharkey, certified financial planner and senior wealth advisor here at Mariner. And I’m lucky enough to be joined by my co-host, Whitney Reagan, wealth advisor here at Mariner as well. Whit, great to see you again.

Whitney Reagan: Great to see you, Dan. We’re like the new dynamic duo.

Dan: Exactly. So now, and we’re going to piggyback on the last episode that we did together, but just for those listening, what we want to do is talk about what we discussed last time as it relates to a family meeting and then specifically today go through some of the prescriptive steps that you can take if this is something that you think you could implement in your own life. So if you haven’t had a chance to listen to the previous episode, please go back. We talk about why a family meeting is important, what you’re looking to accomplish and then thinking about how you can implement that in your own life is something that we’re really going to focus on today.

So Whitney, just kind of starting off as a baseline, what are some of the techniques and tips and tricks that you would advocate for to have a successful family meeting?

Whitney: So there’s a lot of information that we could share, but to keep it short and sweet, I’ve kind of narrowed it down to a few main guidelines. So I’m going to kind of go through a list, and then I’ll talk a little bit more about each of them. So first is buy-in. We talked a little bit about that, but I want to go deeper on buy-in and getting everyone’s buy-in. Number two is singular. Make sure it’s just a singular event with the focus on the family meeting. Number three, be intentional, and we can talk a little bit more about what we mean there, but you want to be intentional about where you’re having this, why you’re having this and have a central location. Number four is topics and agenda items should… Make sure you’re meeting all different levels of knowledge because different generations understand wealth differently and understanding finances and even maybe financial jargon. Just make sure you’re meeting all those different levels of knowledge. And then the last one is family history. We touched on this last time, but I think that’s important to emphasize the family history in addition to the values.

Dan: I think that’s a perfect place to start, and some of those topics are really kind of interconnected, so we can go and expand on those, what we mean specifically. But one question that I want to ask you is that when you do this, is it a good idea to piggyback this type of family meeting on a social event or a vacation, a birthday party, christening, all the different things that people naturally gather for, or really should this more be designed as something that stands alone with a particular agenda that you’re looking to cover?

Whitney: I’m glad you asked this question. I feel pretty passionate about it because I have gone through thinking this seems like a good idea since we’re all going to be together for grandpa’s 90th birthday party. We’re all going to be there, so we might as well have a family meeting and talk about some of these financial topics. I think that’s a terrible idea because everyone’s getting together and is going to have fun. And sometimes there can be … sometimes these are tough topics to talk about, and these can be hard conversations. It doesn’t have to be difficult, but some of these are topics that you shouldn’t have to talk about when you’re having a vacation or a celebration. You want to have the sole focus on this family meeting and have that be the focus of the event. You can plan activities around it to make it fun, but you want to know that the central focus is on this family meeting, and that’s why we’re here.

Dan: And that’s such an interesting point and such a great one to bring up to emphasize to everyone who is listening is that if you incorporate other events into this idea, you really take away from both. You don’t have a singular focus on having the benefits of the family meeting as it relates to your overall wealth, and then you’re taking away from whatever other event that you’re taking from. So it’s really important to emphasize that point. I think that’s really critical. That’s really insightful. The other element that I just want to ask you about is the importance of the family’s history, how to communicate that, why that’s important. Can you just talk a little bit about why that’s on the list that you shared and why that’s so critical to be able to share with the attendees of that family meeting?

Whitney: Sure. I think the origin of wealth is important to educate the entire family about because … for example, my grandfather came from nothing, and he built his wealth from nothing. And I think that’s really impressive, and I want to share with my kids and my grandkids how he pulled himself up by his bootstraps. He bought his parents their first car. He was the first one to go to college. All those types of things. They really enforce gratitude within the family and it makes you feel like you’re part of something bigger than just you. And I think it helps teach … it helps you teach your family values and the value system and understanding that it’s really hard work to get where you are and to build that wealth.

Dan: I think that’s incredibly important, and it builds that connective tissue, right? As your family begins to get bigger and bigger, people begin to go separate geographies. They get further and further apart. So having that unity that ties everyone together is critically important.

So let’s just talk about what not to do. So from your experience and from advising clients, what should be avoided when you’re planning a family meeting technically to make sure that it’s a success?

Whitney: Yes. I’m going to touch on one other thing that I mentioned in some of the techniques just because I want to make sure I expand on it a little bit more. And that’s the buy-in piece. I think that this is … when you get buy-in from all of the family members, it makes them feel like they have a voice. And so an example would be if you’re having a family meeting and you know that you need to talk about the changes to the estate planning. You know you need to cover certain topics and maybe succession planning. Those are some topics that you know need to have. I think it’s cool to ask some of your other family members to what topics they want to address or what topics they want to cover. Maybe you have a niece or a nephew that has college coming up, and they want to talk about college planning or education planning or how to pay for it.

I think if you offer them the ability to add to the agenda or just tell you what they want to talk about, then they feel like their voice is heard and they feel like they’re part of it, and they’re like, “Oh, I’m being listened to, and this makes me feel like I want to learn more and I want to know more, and I want to be part of this family business type thing.” So I think the buy-in is really important.

Now your question on what not to do. This is a tough one. I think that all families are different, and you want to make sure you lean into the strengths of each family member. I think you want to make sure that you go back to creating the values that are important to your family. And so you make sure you always have that thread through every family meeting, and every purpose that you’re doing is going back to the values of your family. Maybe one thing I would suggest is doing it in person.

Because we’ve all been on Zoom a lot ever since pandemic, and it’s an easy thing to do. We’re doing it right now. But I think it’s a lot more meaningful and powerful if you have those meetings in person. So you want to do it at a central location. And we already talked about not doing it as part of a family vacation. So make sure you’re going somewhere that’s easy to access, easy to get to for all the family members. And also make it fun. It doesn’t have to be … like we talked about, it doesn’t have to be scary. And yes, there are difficult conversations to be had, and I would say don’t shy away from those and don’t shy away from talking about money. You don’t have to share your entire balance sheet and where all of the money is going to go right then and there.

But don’t shy away from the questions and the transparency that people want to see within your family. And again, make sure it’s enjoyable for all the different ages. There’s four generations in my family. There’s babies up through 91 years old. So you want to make sure that you’re hitting all those levels of … all those different levels of knowledge, but all those different levels of what’s fun for them and make sure everybody’s feeling included in like they belong to. They are belonging to something bigger.

Dan: Yeah, no, I think that’s really important, and it’s really excellent insight. And I also think you can apply those same ideas even if you don’t have 60 members of your family or four generations. The amount of people you can still… To summarize what you suggested, not shying away from difficult conversations, keeping it fun, making sure the topics you’re talking about people are … it’s appropriate for what their knowledge level is. And if they’re very limited in some of the expertise in these areas, which is very, very common, finding ways to make sure that they have the resources that they need so they don’t feel intimidated. All those things …

Whitney: I love that.

Dan: … kind of tie together.

Whitney: I’m sorry to interrupt you. I love that topic. I’m so glad you mentioned that because I almost forgot to say it is education, education, education. I think this is so key to educate all the members of your family, to help them understand the financial aspect of this and understand how you got to where you are and where the money is going, or what your wishes are. Just like educate them so they understand what you’re talking about.

Dan: Absolutely. And holding people accountable. I think a lot of that is when you talked earlier about buy-in and having the strengths of all these people, but coming prepared and making sure that they have at least some information ahead of time so that they’re not coming into a blind meeting and they really know what they’re talking about. For a family that’s going to do this for the first time, can we just talk quickly about should they have an agenda? What are the topics on there that we’re going to talk through? How should they try to set this up in practical terms?

Whitney: I love this question. I feel like it’s fun to go through with little sample agenda, and you and I both have experience facilitating these, and I feel like it’s so exciting to help coach families to have these successes. If you’re having your first family meeting, I think it’s very important and meaningful for everyone to sit down and have a discussion around what you want your values, your vision and your mission statement to be so that you are all in agreement on what those values are, those core values that you stand on day in and day out. And you mentioned this before, I probably should have said this before the values statement, but you want to tell your family why you’re having this meeting. So be intentional and tell them why we’re even sitting down to have the meeting in the first place. Because going back to that scare factor, it’s not scary. It does not have to be scary. It can be exciting and fun and educational.

So you have your value … So you tell them that you’re having it, why you’re having it, then you do your values, your vision, your mission statement, something that you can be proud of. Then have some financial education portion because you know that you’re going to have some individuals that probably don’t understand finances quite as much as maybe you do. And then, of course, in that first meeting, I also think it’s very important to include estate planning 101. What is your estate plan? Do you have an estate plan, and what’s the plan going forward? And just have that open discussion. Anything to add?

Dan: No, I think that’s critically important, and I think you can … You really have to judge for yourself and hopefully an advisor that you’re working with about just how much information that you want to go into, particularly as it relates to the financial education piece. Again, we’ve talked about this a lot, but you don’t necessarily need to talk numbers in the first meeting, simply saying that we have a plan in place, this is what it looks like. And just communicating to them that we have thought through these elements. It’s also important that … And we would hope that you would do this ahead of time, but when you’re referring to the estate plan, anyone who has a role to play, just making sure that they know what that is and just beginning to introduce these topics.

So I think that’s a wonderful place to get started, and know that you don’t have to do everything all at once. You’re hopefully going to be consistent with these on an annual basis or whatever frequency works for you. And the more you can begin to introduce earlier, then the more accustomed people will get to having these types of conversations.

Whitney: Absolutely. And don’t forget also the family history piece. You always want to include that kind of origins of wealth or family history, where you came from, as a part of your family meeting because it helps you practice gratitude.

Dan: Absolutely. And all that information flows into the mission statement that you were talking about, and there are tools that we can help you with, help craft what that looks like, but really having an idea of what you want the future to look like is really, really important.

So Whitney, thank you so much for joining us. And just kind of to summarize for everyone listening, this is a two-part series. So if you listen to episode one, we talk more about the benefits of having this, and then here in part two, really talking through some of the things that you can specifically do, some prescriptive steps that you can take to begin to implement this in your own life. We would say start small, but if you can really focus on this, you’ll definitely have a successful outcome and change the trajectory of your family moving forward.

So thank you all for all those joining us, and thanks for listening along. Go to Apple Podcasts, YouTube, Spotify, wherever you may listen to us. Make sure you punch that ‘Subscribe’ button so you don’t miss out on any industry highlights or anything else that we may be talking about here at Mariner. Whitney, thank you so much again. We’ll be seeing each other a lot more, and everyone take care.

Whitney: Thank you.

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